This Body I Wore: A Memoir by Diana Goetsch

 

"Over the years, much of what I've detailed in this book was told to several therapists, none of whom so much as suggested I might be trans. But even if they had, it wouldn't have made a difference. There is simply no knowing a thing if it is a self-secret, perhaps because that thing refuses to know itself in your presence. It is like a valley, spread out before you, hiding in plain sight."

                   -from the memoir

I chose to read this book as a part of a summer reading challenge; I needed a memoir. When it was offered in an email and I had no other memoirs in mind, I decided to go ahead with it. It would not have been a book I would have selected otherwise but I am glad I read it since it gave me insight into the struggles of people born to the wrong gender. 

Goetsch shares much of her life (some 50 years) living as a male named Douglas and wondering why she was so of often lonely and depressed, unable to sustain a loving relationship. Douglas was attracted to women but really longed to BE a woman. In his younger days, he was a crossdresser and played at being a woman but remained a male in his school and working life. For many years he was hardly aware of transgenderism as evidenced in the quote above. She, Diana, finally found her true self through her Buddhist faith.

I was floored that there are so many identifications that fall under the LGBTQ umbrella! I was reading this during Pride Month and had recently seen a TV sitcom involving, in a nice way, a drag queen/transvestite/crossdresser. (I wasn't quite sure which of those.) Also we attended a performance of "A Streetcar Named Desire" in which the lead, Blanche DuBois, was played by a trans woman. So many coincidences!

I rated the book a 3. It is well-written and very personal---the author is apparently a well-known poet and includes some of his poetry in the memoir. I believe it could be extremely helpful for people who are struggling with gender identity.